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December 18, 2003

Meteorological Secularization and the Modern Elevator

The modern elevator can be an awkward place, until you've discovered the secret to conscience-free riding: talking about the weather.

In the Midwest, most social interactions are seen to be as awkward as an urban elevator ride, and thus, weather again saves the moment.
But in antiquity, such conversation was impossible. Consider the dialogue recorded by the Greek scholar Puerilius in 347 B.C.E.:

Gluteus, a Roman is standing near the bow of a ferry in the Adriatic Sea. The ferry is crowded, with many people returning to their villagers for the Saturnalia. Gluteus is forced to rub shoulders with a number of Egyptians, enslaved after the most recent Roman victory in North Africa. One Egyptian, Bob is in fact standing less than an eighth of a cubit from Gluteus, and they have no choice but to face each other, and while away the minutes as they wait for the ferry to disembark on the far shore.

Bob knows some Latin, as all slaves are required to speak in the imperial tongue. He feels obligated to make idle chit-chat, as Egyptians are known for, and proud of their reputation as being socially adroit. He decides to be friendly. "So, the Titans really took a thrashing at the Colosseum last night, eh?"

Gluteus smiles wanly. He is in fact a fan of the Titans, and is offended by this remark. He is about to grunt in affirmation, but notices a few other Titan fans look irritated that the subject of their team's loss has been broached.

Bob can see that this is not the best topic, although he is confused. He had always thought sports was the subject de rigeur for men.

Sports having been spent, he considers bringing up the political situation in Rome, but then decides against it. He then considers the subject of race relations between the Africans and Europeans, but knows that won't make him any friends.

And then it hits him. Bob wipes his brow and complains, "By Jove. Could it be any colder? I mean, I know this is the tenth month, but Hephestus!"

Gluteus smiles politely and remarks, "Have you been to Gaul lately? That place is colder'n a witch's tit in a bronze bra."

Weather saves the day.
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Posted by mslaybau at December 18, 2003 01:10 AM

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